May 23, 2009

crazy love & marriage!

Another great day spent with Star, I can't find words to describe how much I love being with him.. so calm, so warm, so cared and loved! So, today I want to talk about love vs. marriage. When I was younger, I looked for passion kind of love, those that make you want to be with the person all the time, that make you cry like crazy, that make you to have a node in your stomach all the time. I had it and had it for more than 3 years. Those were 3 crazy years of my life, a lot of love, hate, fight and tears. Those were memorable but unhealthy to carry an adult life. Life is not just love and being with the person you're crazy about, life is also responsibility, job and family. That crazy kind of love is a plus in life as experience, but not as a state of life. A marriage is something slightly different. You need to be in love with the person (but not the crazy kind of love), but this is only a necessary condition, not a sufficient one. The most important thing is to find the Right person, not the Perfect or the Best, but the Right one for You. The best couple is usually two persons that complement each other, both of them admire to the other's quality that they don't have. Therefore, they can help each other, support each other and fight against the rest of the world. I think I found the Right one and with the pass of years, I've been confirming this fact over and over again! ^_^

We woke up pretty early yesterday and had breakfast right away. Star had two pork buns with soy milk and a taste of the homemade almond butter.I had another bowl of oat bran with almond milk, fresh blueberries and PMAB. YUMMY~~~
Then we went to DC for a walk since the weather was nice.A pomegranate white tea on the roadBack home for lunch. I had another bowl of bambo chicken with white mushrooms and a chopped tomatoand Star had leftover pork, sauteed pok choy with chili and a big bowl of white riceMy dessert was: low fat Stonyfield plain yogurt (I'm in love with this now) with fresh blueberriesStar had Haagen-Dazz ice cream bar (his fav)We spent the afternoon watching more movies and a LONG nap. And munched on this korean snack (a shouting out on pinky toes)and argentinian chocolatesDinner was simple: leftovers and big bowl of kabocha
Dessert: yogurt + blueberries + cinnamon
Star left this morning and I'm missing him right now. Fortunately he'll be back next week and stay another 4 days with me!
I'm heading to outlet for some shopping adventure! :) Stay tune to see my great deal hunts!

Question: What's the difference between crazy love and marriage for you?

23 comments:

healthyambition said...

Sounds like a day well-spent with Star! I like your photos from around DC :-)

I had to smile a little at how healthy your food is compared to his (pork buns vs oat bran, Haagen-Dazz ice cream vs yogurt).. :-) Although I think it is very cute that he had some of your homemade almond butter. Did he like it??

Hmmm... your question is an interesting one. I don't know if I would want to marry someone I didn't feel crazy love for? I understand that you have defined it in a very particular way, but the last thing I would want is marriage simply for the purpose of doing it. I'm not sure if I'm actually answering your question. It's a hard one! I am so far away from ever making a decision about it, I'm probably not a very good person to attempt answering it!

wholefoodswholeme said...

i think you bring up an interesting point about love vs marriage - but, i have to disagree when you say the crazy passionate feeling isn't necessary in marriage - to me, it really is!! obviously, both people have to be emotionally in tune with each other and not cause lots of roller coaster grief and anxiety, but i think the crazy love element is crucial in an ideal marriage. of course, as time passes things will develop/change in various maturing ways, but feeling "safe" and confortable with someone doesn't necessarily mean that's the "right" way. i think what you have with star is wonderful, and this whole question is different for everyone - just wanted to share my own thoughts! i would love to get married, and be in a marriage where my husband still makes my heart race :) what can i say, i'm a hopeless romantic!!

Emily said...

Looks like you made some great food and had a good weekend with Star!

I think love is a feeling but it's also a choice. There are times when you are going to fight with your significant other, and you must choose to love them during those times. But I'm still a believer in the kind of crazy love that you were talking about...I think it's possible to have that and find someone you can spend the rest of your life with. :-)

Mara @ What's For Dinner? said...

Oh i love when you ask questions like that!! I used to think that I'd want to marry someone that I had that crazy, super emotional love for... but then I realized that the emotional part can fade. There doesn't need to be drama and crazy emotion all the time. The emotion needs to be there sometimes, but not all the time!

Your eats look amazing... I really want a pork bao now!

Rachel said...

I'm so happy you had more of an amazing time with Star. What you say about marriage vs. love is very interesting. I can see both sides of it, because finding the right person and being truly commited to someone is very important, while being crazy in love is often associated with immature relationships. On the other hand, sometimes being crazy in love is what leads a couple to marriage. Personally, I'd like to have both!

All your foods look asolutely delicious. I love all the Japanese foods - refreshing to see since a lot of the foods in blogland are the same!

Enjoy your day!

Much love,
Rachel

Krista said...

A marriage definitely needs more than just love. Of course love is the most important, but you also need PATIENCE, understanding, compassion and also to know that it's OK to have different interests and friends. Also, a marriage is something that needs to be worked on every single day....you can't take it for granted. There have been times in the past 11 years that I have wanted to kill my husband, but those rough patches always pass and down the road you really only remember the good times!

I'm so happy for you that Star will be back for a longer visit! I still think he should do a guest post!!! ;)

A Toronto girl out West said...

You and Star look so happy! I hope there are wedding balls in the near future! :o)

As for love vs. marriage . . . I think for marriage you need long-term stability. Something solid that won't fizzle. Passion is all good but you also need something that's going to sustain you when the times aren't so fantastic.

Having said that I'm crazy in love with the fiance!

Pearl said...

i think as we get older, our definition of love changes with our expectations. i could've sworn that i was "in love" when i was younger with various guys i dated because we were with eachother ALL THE TIME, but now i don't consider it in love. it was more of an infatuation and the whole "new-relationship" excitement.

i agree that if a love were to last, then both must be able to lead their own lives and share a part of theirs. i think you have found the one in Star and i'm just so glad that you have someone so great in your life, and that he has someone as beautiful, good and kind as you in his.

Rose 'n' Coffee said...

I love the ice cream bar, I could juse eat one right now.
I'm not really sure about the marriage debate. I think if you love someone, you love them doesn't matter what type of love it is.

just me said...

ohhh...that is one interesting question! i don't even know that i have an answer or will be ready to answer it anytime soon. i'm still looking for either one of those persons and don't know when i might actually see one. sometimes i think i might have that person for me but after a while i realize they're not...

Maggie said...

You and star eat like me and Bobby. Bobby even has pork buns for breakfast sometimes! (Did you know you can get them at Costco? They're really good. They come in packs of 12.)

I like your question... I think that when Bobby and I first started going out, it was almost crazy love (but without the sad parts) - it was just insane how much I *needed* to be with him. After 3.5 years, we've moved into a more calm love, but I think it's even deeper, if that makes sense. I will definitely marry him :)

Melissa @ For the Love of Health said...

Great post :-) I completely agree with everything you said. I think a marriage should be born of passion, love, sensibility, respect, among other things.

That's great you guys had such a gerat time!

Have a great day!!

glidingcalm said...

mmm his pork buns looked so yummy!

and I'm so happy you have someone like Star in your life!! that's awesome!!

Gina said...

I think you hit that right on the nose. I think so many women think they need to find a PERFECT man, but there is no such thing. The secret to a successful marriage, and relationship, is to find someone that complements you (as you said). They may have some qualities you don't like, but you have to accept them and move on. AFter all, I'm sure there are qualities that he doesn't like about you. I'm glad you think you have found the right one for you, that's such a great feeling.

talesofexpansion said...

I'm so glad that you had a great day with star and that you're satisfied with the "intensity level" of the relationship. it sounds like you guys have a great balance!

i bet pork buns + ab was delicious!

Julie said...

i dont know what the difference is! haha I've never had either! I'm so glad you found someone who can help you understand REAL love :) you're a lucky girl!

burpandslurp said...

I LOVE what you said about finding the RIGHT person for you, not the perfect one.
to me, crazy love is a fantasy, where you live in this illusion that everything will be peachy and perfect, and your lover is this super-amazing person who can do no wrong. marriage, however, is a permanent connection. it is a matching between two jigsaw puzzles...we all have our jagged edges, our weak spots, but we fit together...and form a perfect whole together.

ChickPea said...

Sounds like you had an absolutely perfect day!

Nabeela said...

I loved your insightful intake on marriage and you're absolutely right. The kind of love that marriage requires is not "puppy-love". This love is serious, responsible, compromising and extremely giving. I consider myself VERY lucky to have found that right person to share this kind of love with. Our 5 years of marriage have been extremely blissful :)

Erin of Care to Eat said...

What a wonderful day with your baby :)
I am crazy in love and married, so I don't know if they're mutually exclusive...

Alison said...

Love pork buns!
Ideally, a marriage would be crazy love and practicality combined. But in reality, you usually can't have both - or at least not for long. I'd much rather be with someone who I know is a good person, a good provider, a good partner, a good friend, with similar views on life than extreme passion. But I would love to have both.

Erica said...

So glad you had fun with the man! You two are adorable. I completely agree with your discussion on crazy love vs. marriage kind of love.

meg said...

I am so happy you found the guy that is right for you...I think for me I agree on the marriage part and know that the mad passion is not going to be there everyday, but would want to be deeply in love with my partner and have an intense love that can be felt even if it is not said or shown...an intense love that is silent yet there and each partner knows it. Does that make sense?

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