March 11, 2009

Motivation break down~

Sorry to put such a negative title for this post, but it was what I felt yesterday. Morning meeting went good in term of help my professor was offering me, but not well in term of the relevance of my research. So, I began to feel bad. And then it came my best friend's presentation (to all faculty and advanced grad students). It went bad.... they criticized him about the motivation of his paper. Put it crudely: "why are you doing something that you don't even know why and what for? what's the point to do something so complicated computationally for no purpose at all?" And then his adviser told him that if he can't come up with a good argument, he needs to change topic for his dissertation proposal. oh... God! I don't be in his place!!! And I'm presenting in less than a month. I had an idea and a good motivation I think, but I kind of couldn't put all pieces together to say okay, this is what I want to explain and that is how. I know that I'm not in a bad situation... but you know when your negative thoughts trigger the chain of negative thoughts...it's hard to stop. The reason that I felt so bad is because I make the little obstacle a really big life threat. And then I made me to think I’m a looser, that I don’t worth appreciation from my professor, that I’m a useless person, that I got into grad school by mistake… etc. When I think about it more, I feel worse. But I know that when I am positive, all these negative thoughts disappear right away and this little obstacle might be a good thing to help me to achieve something bigger. I know all that... it's just hard to do it. Maggie wrote a inspiring post yesterday related to this kind of feeling.
Let me finish this post with pic of my yesterday's eats and let it self explain.
Sorry to everyone for such a negative post, I hope I feel better today so I go to Argentina motivated and happy so I can enjoy it more.

25 comments:

lesley said...

Good luck with your research and I'll say a prayer for you that it all comes together how you want and need it to!! You'll be great!! : )

Mara @ What's For Dinner? said...

(((HUGS)))

VeggieGirl said...

Oh no!! :-( Hang in there and good luck, girl.

Becca said...

Hang in there! You deserve to be in this grad program!

ttfn300 said...

*deep breaths* and believe that you know what you're doing, things will come together and you'll rock that presentation!

Emily said...

Keep your chin up!
Professors in the world of research can be ruthless, but you will get through it!

lighterportions said...

Aww smile girl! You are doing GREAT. Don't ever think you don't deserve it or you aren't doing well enough. Look how hard you've worked so far. Keep your spirits up and your head high, you'll do awesome!

Meg said...

I hope you feel better today! Lots of HUGS to chase those negative feelings away!

Juliet said...

Hey coco, I know school is very challenging but hopefully you'll turn out better and stronger having faced all of this. Don't think of yourself as useless or a loser... you are a wonderful person!!

Krista said...

Oh! I do hope you're feeling more positive today! You sound like such a bright vibrant person and I don't like to see you upset!!!

qiao said...

"when your negative thoughts trigger the chain of negative thoughts...it's hard to stop" I know exactly what you mean and that's why I slept only three hours two days ago. 3 hours, for me, hard to believe. Thinking of your trip, you will cheer up naturally.

Maggie said...

I'm glad my post yesterday was relevant... These days are so hard to feel happy but once you start being positive it gets easier. I'm sure your presentation will be great :)

Sharon said...

Keep your chin up, you can do this!

Julie said...

everyone deserves a negative post girl! there's always sunshine after the rain so don't fret! you're gonna do great :)

Erica said...

Aw sweetie! I'm so sorry that you had such a rough day :(. I bet your presentation will go so well! Keep your head up!

ChocolateCoveredVegan said...

hey girl!
If you click on the link (where it says "kamut flakes" in orange on my post) it'll take you to the review I did of the flakes :o)

sweet26 said...

sorry to hear about your struggles! stay positive and good luck with everything!

annie said...

COCO!! CHEER UP!! dont feel like a loser cause you're not!!

i fixed wordpress for you!
and thanks for the birthday wishes!
feel better!

Allie said...

I'm doubly excited for you to go to Argentina because not only will it be great, but I'm also here in BA...I'm excited to see how you eat here, as the time/amount eaten at meals is quite different from the US, and also the actual diet differs greatly. I've had a little bit of a rough time adjusting- medialunas! dulce de leche! no hummus here! So please, continue to post while you are here. Best of luck on the loooong plane ride :-) Chau!

luckytastebuds said...

Hi Coco!! I tried posting a really long "inspirational" comment about how much i think you're an amazing girl last night, but my internet timed out and it got lost! GAHHHH so i'm trying today on another computer.

I just wanted to tell you that you are worrying TOO MUCH!! You didn't get in to grad school by mistake, because you are a smart, funny, interesting, detailed, intelligent woman. I am so sure that you will not be criticized like your friends terrible experience (so sorry to hear about that!!!) and I'm sure whatever happened will be a wonderful way to learn so your presentation will be far more positive! Now you know all the mean questions people ask and have time to come up with answers!

Be confident with your work, and don't let anyone else make you feel less-confident that your own abilities. They aren't you, and they don't know well enough. American society is all about being confident of yourself, so make sure you stand up to them, defend yourself and show them what an incredibly smart woman you are!
Love you Coco!!!

lengslog said...

awe I'm sorry you're feeling so stressed out! That is a lot of pressure! Don't beat yourself up now, you still have a month to do more research and practice more. I tend to freak out before things happen, but my brother said one time, "It's no point to get upset now, just wait." He says very few good things, but I actually took that to heart and it works really well. There really is no point to stress out about something that hasn't happen yet. Let it happen and then if it goes bad then stress out. haha. something like that. I hope I'm making sense at all.

Also, you got into grad school not by mistake. Look at it from this perspective..How many people get into grad school? How many people can do what you do in your major/profession? Not many people continue on to grad school and you should definitely pat yourself on the back not beat yourself up. professors can be mean and cruel and there's nothing we can do about it. As long as you're doing the work, you'll be fine. Keep practicing your presentation in front of your friends/family and ask them to critque you. You could even post a video on here and have your readers critique you. There are a lot of people reading aren't there?

I hope my advice helps. Keep positive by looking on the bright side. :-) Have a great Thursday!

-Leng

Sorry to write a novel.

blueskyworld said...

is everything okay?
i'm always here for you girl. if you need someone to talk to, please email me!

Becca said...

The cardamom on oats adds another layer of flavor I think. If you like chai tea you would probably like it. A little bit is all it takes though.

Erin of Care to Eat said...

Coco! I think the other comments are fabulous so I'll keep mine brief. You will get through this! Grad school is about game playing and people trying to bring you down. It's ridiculous and unfair. This is a brief period in our lives where we will be tested and we'll want to quit but we can both get through this. I'm thinking of you every day! You're doing amazing, I'm so proud of you!

Jennifer said...

My husband thinks the same way sometimes. Its like once one thing goes bad, in his mind everything else is a million times worse, and everything gets harder.

Its hard for me to cheer him up when he's in that frame of mind, because even though I disagree with his thinking and tell him everything will be ok, or its not that bad, or here's a plan of action, its not enough.

Everyone to some extent thinks negative thoughts. Maybe make a list of all the things that would make you happy today and try to achieve one or more of those things. Ask for help and support from family and friends. That will help perk you up. And don't sell yourself short, everyone has a purpose in life for being here, so be thankful of that too!

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